thinking out loud

Saturday, August 27, 2005

` 1:05 AM

wala na daw akong bagong entry. bakit nga ba? wala kasi akong maisulat. hindi dahil walang nagyayari sa buhay ko. meron naman. nung linggo nga nagpunta kami ng ilang kaibigan sa isang resort sa morong. nagkasiyahan. pero ewan ko ba. pagkatapos nun, parang di ko na makuha maging masaya. tumatawa ako sa mga kakatwang pangyayari sa paligid ko. sa mga patawa ng mga kaibigan ko. ngumingiti. natutuwa naman talaga ako sa mga bagay na yun. pero di ko lang talaga maintindihan kung bakit pakiramdam ko malungkot pa rin ako. parang ang hirap maging masaya.

daneli's whining
|1:05 AM|
9 angel/s dropped by

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

` 6:41 PM

"Out Of Reach"

Knew the signs

Wasn't right

I was stupid for a while

Swept away by you

And now I feel like a fool

So confused,

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far

I never had your heart

Out of reach,
Couldn't see

We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me

you know when you were in the midstof all the heartaches and pain because you just lost someone, you tend to wallow in your pain asking yourself all the why's and what if's... but one day, you'll just realize that it's was just not meant to be. that we have different paths to take. different lives to live. so to you my dear friend... finally, i'm living my life. doesn't matter now if i didn't had your heart completely, i wish you well...

daneli's whining
|6:41 PM|
6 angel/s dropped by

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

` 11:40 PM

May Nasabi Ba Ako?

Inaya ko siyang lumabas last year, post Valentine's date kumbaga.Medyo nagparinig kasi siya na wala daw siyang date ng Valentine's day,pero kung may mag-aaya ay sasama siya. Sinabi ko sa kanyang wala namanakong gagawin, kaya pwede kaming lumabas kung gusto niya. Pumayagnaman siya kaya nasabi ko ng pabiro, "gusto lang talaga ako makadatenito!" Minsan iniisip ko, may gusto kaya siya sa akin o talagang sweetlang siya? Madalas kasi kaming mag-usap sa text: paggising ko saumaga, bago ako maligo, bago pumasok sa school, bago kumain ng lunch,sa hapon pagkauwi ko sa bahay, bago ako matulog. Minsan, pag lumalabasako at kasama ko yung mga kaibigan ko, hindi ko matiis na hindi sakanya sabihin. Ewan ko ba, parang kailangan ko lang sabihin kungnasaan ako, kung sinu-sino ang mga kasama ko at kung anong oras akouuwi. Pero bakit ba, normal lang naman yung ganoon, di ba? Friends naman kami.

Sa araw ng "date" namin, sinabi ko na hindi ko siya masusundo katuladng pangako ko kasi dadaan pa ako sa bahay ng kaklase ko, kaya magkitana lang kami sa Quezon Avenue station ng MRT. Nainis siya kasi sabiniya, pagdating daw niya at wala ako, aalis na siya. Notorious kasiako sa pagiging late pero kahit na, tama ba yun? Aalis na lang siyabasta at hindi man lang maghihintay ng ilang minuto??? Para namangwala kaming pinag-usapan! Sa isang banda, hindi naman niya sigurokayang gawin sa akin yun! Na-late ako (as usual) at pagdating ko saQuezon Avenue station, wala siya. Namutla ako sa kaba kasi bakatinotoo niya yung sinabi niya na aalis siya pag nakita niyang walaako. Naghintay-hintay ako ng konti, at saktong paalis na din ako ngbigla siyang dumating. Nagpa-late daw siya kasi alam niya na late ako.Matalinong bata. Pero sinabi na nga ba, hindi niya ako kayang indiyanin.

Kumain kami sa isang mahal na restaurant (siyempre doon daw niyagusto). Sa loob-loob ko, nakn*mp*tcha, ang mahal naman ng pagkaindito. Parang di kakayanin ng powers ko sa mahal. Sabi niya, hati dawkami sa bayad (kung pwede lang hatiin!). Nahiya ako kaya sabi ko,"Hindi, ako na." Ako naman yung nang-aya. Nanood kami ng sinepagkatapos kumain. Napakalamig sa loob ng sinehan, tapos biglang sabiniya, "Ano ba yan, matatapos na 'tong movie, hanggang ngayon,nilalamig pa rin ako." Nagkatinginan kami pagkatapos niya yun sabihin.Tinitigan ko lang siya, hindi ko kasi alam ang gagawin ko. Ano yun,gusto ba niya na yakapin ko siya para di siya lamigin o gusto naniyang lumabas ng sinehan? Tumahimik na lang siya ulit kayapinagpatuloy ko na lang ang panonood.

Manonood dapat kami ng concert pagkatapos naming mag-mall, kaya langmay gagawin pa akong importante. Tutulungan ko pa kasi yung kapatid kosa project niya sa school. Sinabi ko na lang na sumama na lang siya sabahay at tulungan niya akong gawin yung project. Tumanggi siya kasipagod na rin daw siya kaya uuwi na lang siya. Nung inaaya ako, parangkaya pang magtulak ng kotse. Ngayon naman na di ako pwede at inaaya kosiya sa bahay, bigla namang napagod. Ang kulit talaga pare! Isinakayko siya ng taxi papuntang UP kasi hinihintay na din ni erpat yungkotse kaya hindi ko na siya naihatid. Traffic na, rush hour kasi. Doonna natapos yung "date" namin. Pero pagdating niya sa bahay tinawaganko siya at dalawang oras yata kami nag-usap. Hindi kasi ako mapalagayhangga't di ko nasisigurado na ok at ligtas siya.

Minsan, sinabi niya na magpapa-henna tattoo siya sa booth na nakitaniya sa mall. Nainggit kasi siya doon sa ka-org niya na may tattoo.Nainis ako, kasi alam ko kung saan niya gustong ipalagay yung tattoo.Kaya sinabi ko, huwag na siyang magbalak, at kung sinu-sino lang anghahawak sa kanya doon. Baka masuntok ko lang yung magta-tattoo sakanya. Ewan ko ba kung bakit ko yun nasabi, pero ayoko kasi na mayibang humawak sa kanya. Hindi ko maatim isipin na hahawakan siya ngkung sinong kumag doon sa booth sa mall. Nakangiti siya ng tanunginniya ko kung bakit daw ako naiinis, siguro daw nagseselos lang ako.Ako??? Magseselos? Bakit?

Gaya ng dati, nagtetext pa rin kami. Yung mga, "hello diane. hw ws urday?" o yung "musta? D2 p m tmbyn wd arman, jules, rica, neslie, &chito. Uwi n dn me mga 7 pm. Ingat k pg uwi ha diane." Palagi ko ngasiya pinapadalhan ng sweet na text messages. Yung mga, "You don't knowhow much I appreciate you and how special you are to me…" at mga "Ithank God for you." Sweet ko 'no??? Kung tatanungin mo ako kung bakitko ginagawa yun, ang sagot ko, "DAHIL GUSTO KO LANG! Masama bangmaglambing sa isang kaibigan?" Napapaisip nga din ako minsan kungdapat ko bang ginagawa yun. Pero anong magagawa ko, hindi ko siyamatiis. Natutuwa ako pag nilalambing ko siya at pag sumasakay siya samga lambing ko. Kasalan ba yun? Hindi naman, di ba? Paulit-ulit ko ngasiyang kinukulit kung kailan ulit kami magde-date kasi super excitedna akong makita siya (ewan ko nga ba kung bakit! ).

Pag pwede siya, lumalabas kami. Gaya ng dati, kain, sine at kontinggala. Sa mga sumunod na "date" namin, napansin kong palagi na siyangmay baong jacket o cardigan. Hindi ko nga rin alam, kasi pag nanoodkami ng sine, halos nakasandal na yung ulo niya sa balikat ko. At maskomportable kami pag ganoon kaysa sa malayo siya sa akin. Sa loob ngisa't kalahati o dalawang oras sa sinehan, panay ang bulong ko sakanya. Yung mga comments ko sa pelikula o kahit ano lang na gusto kongibulong para malapit yung ulo niya sa may balikat ko. Sumasagot namansiya kaya naiisip ko, siguro gusto din niya na binubulungan ko siya.Pag naglalakad nga kami sa daan, inaalalayan ko na siya. Minsan konang nahawakan yung kamay niya pero hindi holding hands yun, ah.Minsan ko na ring inilagay yung kamay ko sa likod niya, minsan sabalikat pero hindi akbay yun, ah.

Bigla ko na lang napansin na nagiging masungit na siya. Hindi ko ngamaintindihan kasi pag sinasabihan ko siya ng sweet nothings o pagsinasabi ko na gusto ko siyang makita o pag gusto ko lang siyanglambingin, dinedeadma niya ako. Ang labo no?! Minsan, na-feel ko naang dami niyang dahilan at nagiging matampuhin na siya (siguro malapitna ang period niya). Parang lagi na siyang may pambara sa mga hiritko. Di gaya ng dati na aliw na aliw siya sa mga pambobola ko. Naisipko tuloy, parang humihina na yata ang powers ko sa mga chikababes.Lagi na lang siyang walang time. Minsan tinanong niya ako kungnag-aaway kami kasi hindi daw kami nag-uusap. Bakit kaya niya nasabiyun? Gulong-gulo na ako. Di ko naman siya inaaway. May nasabi kaya akona hindi niya nagustuhan? Kahit anong isip ang gawin ko, wala akongmatandaan na sinabi sa kanya na ikakagalit niya. Minsan naman, hindiako kakausapin. Tinitiis ko nga kahit nahihirapan din ako (ang unangkumurap talo!). Pero napapakurap din ako sa huli, kaya nate-text kodin. Hindi ko siya matiis. Nakakahiya mang aminin pero kasi miss namiss ko na siya. Pero siyempre, hindi ko yun inaamin sa kanya. Parakasing binibilang niya yung araw o yung beses na hindi ko siyana-text. Hindi man niya sinasabi, pero parang naninimbang na siya. Diko siya magets, i-text mo ng sweet, deadma. Pero pag di mo namanna-text, nagtatampo. Di naman siya dating ganoon, ah! Labo pare!

May field trip kami sa Tagaytay at saktong nasa Tagaytay din siya.Magkikita uli sana kami kaya lang medyo masama ang pakiramdam ko kayahindi na ako nakipagkita. Tinawagan ko siya para i-check kung ok pasiya, pero hindi naman niya sinagot. Nag-text ako pero hindi rinnag-reply. Nagtampo siguro kasi ilang ulit ko na siyang kinukulit namagkita kami sa Tagaytay tapos ayan na yung chance tapos ako namanyung pakipot. Pagkatapos noon, wala na akong narinig sa kanya. Hala!Tiisan kung tiisan. Kasalanan ko ba na medyo sumama ang pakiramdam ko?Umuulit na naman yung pagkamatampuhin niya! Nakn*mp*tcha! Wag namangsabihin na may period na naman siya. Ilang ulit ba siyang may periodsa loob ng isang buwan? Apat na beses?? Anemic na siguro siya!!!

Mga ilang buwan din na di kami nag-usap, at sa pagkakataon na ito,siya naman ang kumurap. Nang mag-text siya, nagkakwentuhan kami ulitgaya ng dati. Sabi ko sa kanya, "how ws ur day diane? D2 me s bhy.Kkuwi ko lng kz apply me work s mkti wd chito." Sabi niya, ang dami naraw nangyari sa kanya na hindi ko alam at ang dami na ringdevelopments sa buhay ko na hindi ko sa kanya naikwento. Di katulad ngdati na sa kanya ko sinasabi lahat: yung sama ng loob ko, yung mgamagagandang nangyari sa buhay ko, yung mga walang kakwenta-kwentangmga bagay, at ganoon din siya sa akin. Nagbiro nga siya, hindi na rawkasi ako nag-tetext. Sinabi ko, "Oo nga, psensya k n h. My gf n kz mekya d me nkktxt". Nagka-girlfriend ako wala pang dalawang linggopagkatapos nung araw na dapat kami magkikita sa Tagaytay. Hindi nasiya nag-reply. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit. Ayan na naman siya.Nagtatampo ng walang dahilan. Ang labo talaga. May nasabi ba ako?

***got this somewhere, wala lang. post ko lang.

daneli's whining
|11:40 PM|
4 angel/s dropped by

` 11:21 PM

i got this from an email. found it funny so i'm posting it here...

Cool ways to insult someone

01. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
02. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
03. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
04. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?
05. At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly asyour face!
06. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing
07. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
08. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.
09. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!
11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?
13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.
17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.
18. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!
19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in.
20. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory.
21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.
22. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!
23. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?
24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.
26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build anidiot.
27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!
28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty.
30. How would you like to feel the way you look?
31. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
32. I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in the next10 years?
33. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's just as ugly.
34. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone willagree with me.
35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
37. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!
38. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are atall.
39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?
40. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!
41. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!
42. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!
43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical ofyou.
44. Do u practice being this ugly?

daneli's whining
|11:21 PM|
1 angel/s dropped by

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

` 7:19 PM

the Martian team went out last Friday. we went to Cabalen to have dinner. it was fun, just hanging out with good food and great company. after dinner, the girls, namely, tess, nikki, may and i went to the ladies' room. the three went before i did so i was surprised when i found them outside the ladies' room. i asked them why and they said there is a guy inside. i looked at the picture at the door. i can clearly say it's of an old lady in a maria clara dress and on the other door is of an old guy in a barong. so i peered inside and true enough, there was a guy in the ladies' room. we were laughing outside, waiting for him to finish whatever he's doing. after a minute or two, he went out and didn't look our way but i can say he was laughing himself. a perfect colgate moment.

daneli's whining
|7:19 PM|
1 angel/s dropped by

` 4:39 PM

25 years ago, on august 13, i almost lost the most important guy in my life. i wouldn't have met him and learn how blessed i would be to have him in my life it fate has not been kind to both of us. on that day, he was on a bus ride that almost took his life. he was on his way home. on his way to see me... his little girl. i was barely a month old then. my mom still recuperating from giving birth to me and she had to cope with another ordeal: nursing back my dad to life. i can only imagine how hard it was for mom, taking care of her baby and her husband near death.

daddy, i am so glad that Big Daddy didn't took you away from me. i wouldn't have known how it is to have a dad if he took you then. i wouldn't have learned to love watching basketball if not for you. or learn how to cook pork steak. or love accounting. i wouldn't have someone i could fight with because he cleaned my room. or i wouldn't have a dad snooping around reading my diary. i wouldn't have someone i could pester with to cook me tinuto and tilapia crispy-fried the way i love it. i wouldn't have someone rushing home just to tell me the actor i'm gushing about is on tv. or someone more excited than me when my friends come to visit. a dad who would push me to go out and have fun when i've stayed too long at home. who relents and gives me money so i could buy my kikay-things.

you definitely believe in me. in your eyes, i can do everything, that my dreams are not just dreams but realities waiting to happen. there are times i doubt myself but still you made me believe. you treat me as your equal. you value my decisions.

sure, we had our fights. i've blamed you on some things. we argue. there are things we'll never agree on. like a normal father-daughter always are. but at the end of it all, you still love me.

so today and always, i'd like to thank Big Daddy for making you stay. and i hope we'd have more years together so i could show you just how much you and mom means to me.

i'd like to think that august 13 is not just your second birthday but more of our family's birthday. you were almost gone, but you came back. for me. for mom. then we had kuya. happy birthday daddy... i love you... never mind that i fell over a high chair when you were supposed to watch over me...

everything turned out to be okay. and i love it.

daneli's whining
|4:39 PM|
3 angel/s dropped by

Friday, August 12, 2005

` 12:33 AM

checked my friendster earlier. went to the horoscope section and this is what i got:

"Mulling over your past decisions and contemplating what might have been is guaranteed to make you feel crazy -- so don't do it, no matter what. Push aside all might-have-beens and concentrate on the here and now; you'll find that people will sense the change in your energy and become much more receptive to your thoughts and ideas. Remember to keep that perspective as you go throughout your day -- and beyond."

more like an advice-column right? me napupulot din pala sa mga horoscope. i guess people should stop reliving and living in the past and learn to appreciate the present, living it. and maybe we could also stop worrying about the future. 'cause if we live each day the best way we can then there really is nothing to worry about. besides, i'd like to keep this by heart:

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
- Psalm 139:16

daneli's whining
|12:33 AM|
2 angel/s dropped by

Thursday, August 11, 2005

` 11:20 PM

do you ever felt alone even when you're with a group of friends? you hear everything they say, see everything they do, yet its as if you're not with them. merely a spectator.

i read somewhere that "When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world."

hmmn... made me think. maybe shutting myself out.

daneli's whining
|11:20 PM|
1 angel/s dropped by

` 5:11 PM

my third-half (if there's such a word) len, told me this on an email... and it surely hit me.

"sometimes we just don't get it why we feel a certain way about other people or things... the fact that you're longing for someone/something makes it possible to put your all your attention to the closest person/thing at hand... "

so i guess i'm right. no more questions from now on...

daneli's whining
|5:11 PM|
0 angel/s dropped by

` 4:30 PM

so i changed my blog's templates again. for the nth time. why? let's just say i found nothing else better to do. so i looked for a new template and put everything in. basically, its the same thing. just changed the colors and the look but says the same thing. so nothing new really. thank God for blogskins.com for these templates... in the not-so near future, i'd probably learn to create my own...i'm not really saying anything of value here. i'm just being the usual me, whining.

daneli's whining
|4:30 PM|
0 angel/s dropped by

Saturday, August 06, 2005

` 6:33 PM

i was walking alone in the rain this morning. my pants got wet. my feet got wet. rode a bus bound to edsa. got off at my usual stop. walked again. then ride a tricycle all the way home.

when i was waiting for a bus, i realized i hate it when it rains. i hate getting myself, especially my feet get wet. and the fact that the pavement and the roads get all slippery. reminds me of my fear of dying early because i slipped.. wanted to go back to the office and wait for chat's shift to end.. but i realized the rain might just pour even harder when her shift ends so i prodded along... and i saw trixie winding her way to the bus stop as well.

i never really liked it when it rains... when i was a child, i hate it because my friends and i can't go outside and play... more so when they get to bathe under the rain i can't... cause my parents won't allow me to.. you see i was sickly back then...

and then when i was in high school, it's so hard holding an umbrella to shield yourself from the rain and walking in a skirt! especially when the wind is blowing so hard... add the fact that you're trodding on an uncemented pavement with mud that sticks to your shoes when walked on...

in college, i hate going to class when it rains... especially my 7 am classes... cause when the rain eventually pours so hard, classes gets suspended! and i'm already in school! and well, for me, in UP, its so hard moving from one building to another to get to your classes on time. add the rain factor to that and whew! don't get me wrong though, i love it when classes gets suspended... hehehe...

i guess i hate the inconvenience that the rainy season brings... on the plus side, i love curling up in bed with a blanket around me whenever it rains... just staring outside watching the raindrops.. then sleeping all day with the sound of the raindrops humming softly in the background...

but while on my bus ride, i realized why i really don't like the rain these days. it makes me feel alone... and sad. more alone than i really am. does that make sense? it makes my mood gloomier...

a friend said i shouldn't feel that way cause i have many friends... but don't you feel alone even when you're in a crowd? a crowd full of your friends? sometimes i do... but that's another thought. another entry.

daneli's whining
|6:33 PM|
3 angel/s dropped by

` 5:56 PM

got this from silverback who got it from her friend's blog... wala lang. karelate lang ako. brings back memories... read on.

pseudo relationship

Almost like a relationship, but not quite.
It is a phase where the persons involved are
more than friends, but not quite lovers.
Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng
wala.
One or both of you may have admitted your
feelings,possible ding hindi.
You just let your gestures do the talking for
you.
Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari.
Hindi kayo mag-dyowa.
Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo,
parang kayo, pero hindi.
This kind of "relationship" can happen at
different stages for different reasons.
It can happen after a break-up.
You still love each other, and you want to be
with each other but you broke up for a
reason.
And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw
niyo na muna magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a relationship,
iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.
Possible din na ayaw niyo munang
mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang
muna.
Testing lang. (tama ba un?!)
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo
kasi isa sa inyo may ka-relasyon na.
Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break
doon sa boy/girl (sabi niya makikipag-break
siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa),
wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman
hindi siya nangangaliwa kasi "hindi naman
kayo."
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time,
can be fun.
Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng
"KALARO."
Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may
patutunguhan kayo kze wala talagang
kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong
set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung
may patutunguhan?
Iba't ibang dahilan.
Puwedeng for fun lang.
Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede
na iyang "pantawid-gutom."
Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing,
doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious
relationship, they would think that
pseudo-relationship is better than no
relationship at all.
It would be fun, if all you're after is that
"kilig" feeling.
But then I learned that although it was only a
pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real.
And usually, in this kind of set up, merong
malulugi.. "ung nainlove sa taong taken na.."
Una, you can't ask him/her to commit.
Since it's not really a relationship, you can't
demand commitment from your partner.
Ano ba kayo?
You will always be uncertain about your role
in his/her life.
You can't expect him/her to be always there
with you.
And if you feel jealous of the other boys/girls,
you just have to keep it to yourself.
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with
him/her?
You can't be sure if he/she feels the same
way.
Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin
niya.
Even if you are dying to tell him/her you love
him/her, you can't.
Because you're not sure if he/she will like it.
Baka mapahiya ka lang.
This stage will always make you wonder
where you are in the relationship.
Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too
much?
What if you have invested all your emotions
and this man/woman hasn't?
What if you remain faithful to him/her, not
entertaining other guys/gals, only to find out
that he/she is seeing other girls/boys?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it
is fleeting.
When a disagreement sets in, or when one of
you gets cold, then that would be the end of
it.
Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam
kung saan ka lulugar sa isang
pseudo-relationship.
Wala kang pinanghahawakan.
Kasi sa pseudo- relationship,
there is no "us."
Meron lang "you and me,"
hindi "us"
- sad.. but true...

daneli's whining
|5:56 PM|
2 angel/s dropped by

Thursday, August 04, 2005

` 9:47 PM

i want to write something... things that has been plaguing my mind. my fingers are itching to hit the keys... but my brain isn't working. i'm stuck.

daneli's whining
|9:47 PM|
0 angel/s dropped by

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

` 6:09 PM

i was in Tagaytay last saturday. adventure to. wala kaming car, so commute kami. dapat 11:30 kami aalis pero nakasakay kami mga 1:45 na ng hapon. nagvan kami na byaheng lemery sa beundia bus station. nang malaman ng driver na tagaytay lang kami, ask nya kung saan. syempre, with full confidence sabi namin, "sa Bag of Beans (BOB) po!"

si manong tumingin sa 'min at kumunot-noo sabay sabi "saan yun?" Lagot! di nya alam kung saan at once pa lang ako nakapunta dun! at, me car kami noon courtesy of aloi. pero sige, go pa din. sabi kasi nung isang guy na kasakay namin madadaanan nga daw yung BOB. so nagsettle-down na kami.

while cruising the south super-highway, we were also having a trip down memory lane with all the old lovesongs that manong is playing on his radio... and the super-hot aircondition of his van! i was tempted in opening my side of the window! since old songs nga, i dared chris and yeng to play "guess the title of the next song." chris got the correct answer for the next song. after that, manong switch to AM station! so the whole trip, we were listening to Freddie Webb make his commentaries about basketball and life in general. the best thing he said? hmmn... eto yun: kumain ng wasto at tama sa oras. wag magsigarilyo at bawasan pag-inom ng beer! tawa ng tawa si yeng...

pagdating sa may rotonda sa tagaytay, ask na naman ni manong saan kami bababa... dahil hindi nga nya knows ang BOB, sabi na lang namin basta sa may unahan pa manong. sa mga panahong eto, tulog yung guy na nakakaalam kung saan ang BOB. at ako ang designated para queen.

so, bumaba kami ng Leslies. Pero sa HenLin kami nagpunta! o di ba, nagpunta kami sa Tagaytay para kumain ng siopao at siomai sa HenLin. umuulan ng mga sandaling eto. matapos kumain at maghintay sa pagtila ng ulan, lipat kami sa Leslie's! hindi para kumain kundi para magperfect moments! syempre si chris ang creative director...

naubusan ng battery ang digicam ni chris. lagot. at umuulan na naman. so hanap kami ng tindahan na may energizer at ng masasakyan papuntang BOB.

wala pa ring battery. pero may jeep na. nakakatuwa. akala nung naniningil estudyante kami. siningil kami ng student fare. hahaha... dahil mas alam nila ang Diner's, sa Diner's kami nagpababa. ako na naman ang para queen. ayan, may grocery store na. may battery na kami. from here, nagtricycle kami papuntang BOB.

Finally, we arrived in BOB. the place is still as beautiful as the last time i was here. which is about 5 months ago. we waited till we were able to get the corner place. then we had the best blueberry cheesecake. its really sinful. no one said a word while eating. galit-galit muna kami! then, perfect moments! ang saya. if only life is as simple as it was while we were there... but as may said, we appreciate these rare moments because its not an everyday thing. its like an escape from all the stress of our regular, everyday life.

we stayed in BOB for about two hours. just talking and simply staring at the beauty of the place. then off we go to Diner's to have some bulalo...

sa Diner's, we had bulalo, inihaw na tilapia and dinuguan... galit-galit na naman kami.

after dinner, off we go looking for a transportation back to manila. mga-9 PM na to. after walking for a while, i spotted a bus bound for Pasay. i was in the process of wearing my jacket coz it was a bit cold so i asked them to hail the bus. kaso, tumabi kami lahat at di kami pinansin ng bus! ayun, naiwan kami sa tagaytay. lakad ulet. hintay na naman. after 15 minutes, wala pa ring bus o van na byaheng manila. tapos may dumaan na jeep. byaheng dasma-baclaran/coastal. sumakay na kami. grabe, ang bilis nito magpatakbo... kaso somewhere in Cavite, Dasma i think (kasi may SM) sabi nung driver, we need to get off. aayusin daw nila ang ilaw nila na dumidilim na. buti na lang may dumaan na bus byaheng Pasay... finally, we were bound for Manila...

adventure talaga to. we don't have an exact itenerary, nor means of transportation. but it was one happy adventure. especially since i was with great company...

may, yeng, chris... gala tayo ulet! i've uploaded some of the pics in my tabulas gallery...

daneli's whining
|6:09 PM|
4 angel/s dropped by

K	Keen
A	Appealing
T	Terrific
E	Enjoyable